A few weeks ago, my friend, Kathy came over to give me her opinion on one the scents Choose Joy will carry in our candle line. After she gave me a thumbs up on the scent, we settled into our easy-friend-type conversation. I love Kathy and love the times we can just talk as girlfriends. Kathy told me that this year for the first time, her two teenage children would not be going trick-or-treating. “And,” she sadly said, “We didn’t even carve a pumpkin this year.” But suddenly, her eyes lit up and she said, “Maybe I’ll carve one by myself tonight. That would be fun! But I’ll see how my day goes. If it seems like a joyful thing to do, I’ll do it. I don’t want it to become a to-do thing.”
A “to-do thing”. Definition: something that’s on your list of things to do that you really don’t want to do, but you have to do it because it’s on your list; something that causes you stress (which is certainly not a joyful feeling!) just by having it on your list and knowing that you have to do it.
A “to-do thing”. How many to-do things are on your list? How many of your to-do things are there because you think you have to do them and how many things are there because you want to do them?
My calendar probably looks like yours – lots of places to go and things to do. Children’s activities, volunteering commitments, social gatherings. But how many of those things are things we really want to do – things that add real value to our lives – and how many are on our calendar because we think we have to do them, either because of the expectations we have for ourselves or even because of what others expect from us?
On Halloween, how many of you could allow yourself to not have had a carved pumpkin greeting the neighborhood trick-or-treaters? Kathy, my wise friend, could. Carving a pumpkin is supposed to be fun, not a chore. If it becomes a chore for her, she knows that it’s not worth doing. Doing it when it’s a chore defeats the entire purpose of doing it in the first place!
As parents, we want nothing more than to build the self-esteem of our children. So we sign them up for activity after activity where they can explore their talents and hopefully gain some good feelings about themselves. But how often, in the rush to get out of the door and to the activity on time, do you find yourself raising your voice or even yelling at your children, telling them to hurry up? How many disagreements and arguments do you have with your children over some aspect of their activity? If your kids’ activities cause you to yell at your children or in any other way cause you to be less than emotionally supportive of them, you’ve defeated the purpose of taking them to the activity in the first place! The purpose of the activity is to help your kids feel good about themselves. If the activity feeds their negative self-esteem, then you’ve defeated the purpose of signing them up for the activity in the first place!
Many things compete for your time and energy. Choose wisely how you spend your time and energy and choose wisely for your children as well. If something that is supposed to be a positive experience becomes a negative one, then you need to find some new ways to spend your precious commodities of time and energy. This is your life and you only get one – choose to make it a positive experience!
Sonya May
President, Choose Joy, Inc
Sonya@ChooseJoy.com
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